I loved you (once)
by Silver345
Summary: Lucas was Riley's first love, her first kiss, her first boyfriend. But she knows that he and Maya have something that Riley could never give him. So she's decided that it's high time for her first breakup. Implied Lucaya, Rucas Friendship, Oneshot


Just a little oneshot I wrote in between Bases are Loaded.

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Riley Matthews was smart. A genius even. Though with her usual ditzy, peppy demeanor and the fact that she was so often compared to her close friend Farkle Minkus, this was a fact many people would easily forget. But make no mistake, the brunette had an IQ as high as she was tall.

So it was ridiculous that her friends and family didn't think she could see the _thing_ that was brewing between her two favorite people in the world: her best friend and her boyfriend.

It wasn't their faults, she knew that better than anyone. You couldn't choose who you fall in love with, who you had a connection with. It just happened. And she also knew better than anyone that hers and Lucas' connection wasn't as strong as it used to be, heck it probably hadn't been all that strong in the beginning either, she had been horribly naive back then. But even middle school Riley could have seen that Lucas and Maya had something special. Something that was worth pursuing. Something that they were probably denying and hiding so that they wouldn't hurt her.

So for that reason, Lucas was coming to meet her at Topanga's. She sat in the comfy orange chair and smiled as she remembered that this is where they first held hands, albeit awkwardly and the moment had been forced, but sweet nonetheless. None of them had been ready for a relationship outside of friendship back then. Oh for those sweet years where they really had no troubles at all. Sure it had felt like the world was crumbling around her when her crush hadn't asked her to the dance, but those years were simpler compared to the flurry of college applications, AP classes and high school level drama that bombarded her every day.

She remembered the first day of seventh grade when they staged a homework rebellion, the day they practically travelled back in time, the day they had fought for the art classes. The days when Farkle felt like a nothing, the day she herself was plagued by a bully, the day Maya's father came to Greenwich Village. The day Svorski's became Topanga's and the day Zay came to John Quincy Adams. The day they graduated middle school and made their way to high school, the day Lucas had a girlfriend who wasn't in their friend group, the day he had finally asked her out instead. The day they had their first real kiss as an actual couple, the day she first said 'I love you' and he smiled and said it back. The day they celebrated their one year, their Valentines day. Riley remembered all the events of her life with Lucas in it and they were all beautiful.

But at the same time, she remembered that he had been in Maya's life just as long. She remembered the day she first 'ha-hurred' in his face, the day he first tipped an imaginary hat in her direction, the day their banter tipped the scales and became more friendly than mocking. She recalled the day Lucas picked up the short blonde girl and later that day that same blonde jumped onto his back. The day Lucas wanted Maya to be happy and fought for her art classes. The day Maya went rogue and Lucas followed her and the same day when she pulled him into her space by the collar. The weekend they went to Texas, Riley sure remembered that. That was when she discovered that Maya really did care about him. She remembered the way she had felt torn apart when they went on a date and realized that this was how Maya had felt for who knows how long.

She remembered when they decided everything would be better if they stayed friends and became so much closer; if not for Riley, they would have been best friends but Maya would an could never replace her Pumpkin. She remembered when they got to high school and despite differing interests, Maya had managed to make every home game of every sport Lucas played, sometimes even away games. That Lucas had never missed it when Maya's work was displayed in the school exhibit and he would always bring something for her to snack on and a single red rose. The day she told Maya that Lucas had asked her out and she told herself that she imagined the disappointment that flashed across her friend's face because it was quickly overtaken by excitement. Riley saw it all as she sat by herself in the cafe, picking at her fingernails distractedly.

She saw how they looked at each other, she saw how they interacted. They really cared about each other, but they were such wonderful friends that they refused to act on it because they thought it would hurt her. But Riley Matthews was smart. And she knew that she and Lucas had been over for a while now. She had tried to hold on to her love for him for as long as she could, because her mother told her that when life tries to throw you on the ground, you hang on. And she had really loved Lucas, but that was a long time ago. They weren't like brother and sister, they had something special, but it wasn't something special that made for a great relationship.

As the brunette sipped the cocoa that her mother had brought her moments ago, she knew she had always loved a version of Lucas that was perfect, her prince charming. She loved him now, sure, but not in that way, not anymore. She understood that now. Back when she was young, the idea of perfection excited her, entranced her. Her parents had some kind of perfect love and the princes in movies were always perfect so a young insecure Riley thought that she was in desperate need of some perfection in her life. She thought that something was wrong with her because she wasn't perfect, but now she saw that no one really was. Lucas was a mess, they had come to discover. He had a broken family, anger issues and a knack for getting himself into trouble when he wasn't on top of his game. And a young Riley thought that she could fix all of his problems and make him perfect. But she was just another person pressuring him to be something he wasn't. His case was the same as Maya's, Riley realized this now. Sometimes it was better to just let some things be instead of trying to find a 'solution'.

She set her mug back on the table and sighed heavily. What she was about to do wouldn't be easy. He was her first love and it would be hard to let go of that. But she had moved on from this relationship a while ago. She picked up her phone when it buzzed with a message from him, saying 'I'll be there in a few'. She exited her messages and opened the photos app. A soft smile graced her lips as she scrolled through the hundreds of selfies she had made him take with her. They were a cute couple. She was nothing but smiles and in ever picture he was either laughing, making a goofy face or kissing her cheek. But when she looked at pictures of the whole group, she saw that he was always just a little too close to Maya, just a little too friendly with her.

When she reached the stretch of photos where Maya stolen the brunette's phone and taken tons of pictures with it, she smiled. There were a lot at the beginning with Farkle, the two of them making a variety of silly faces. Then there were significantly more with Lucas. It looked like Maya had held down the button and the photos became like a stop motion video. It began with Maya making goofy faces with Lucas working on something in the background, but when he looked up and noticed what she was doing Riley could see him transition into laughing and then joining in on making faces. There were a few with Lucas making an utterly ridiculous face while Maya could do nothing but laugh and Riley laughed lightly to herself as well. But as she progressed she saw it. As Maya continued to laugh, Lucas' face gradually relaxed so that he was just smiling at the blonde gently, probably chuckling along with her. But Riley saw it, the loving look in his eyes. A little while after that, the pictures became blurry and she saw flashes of brown hair and grabbing hands in the blurs. She had probably taken the phone back at around that time. The ping of the bell attached to the door and familiar footsteps caught her attention and she looked up. Sure enough Lucas walked over to her, smiling wide and bending to kiss her forehead when he reached her like usual. Completely unaware of what she was about to say to him.

"Hey, Riley," he said cheerfully. She put on the brightest smile she could.

"Hi, Lucas." By the way his smile faded, she guessed that he could see right through her smile.

"Is everything okay, Riley?" She laughed humorlessly before nodding at him. This would be hard even if they had both moved on. He tilted his head to the side and furrowed an eyebrow in worry.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine I guess. We just need to talk, okay?" He sunk into the chair next to her and angled himself towards her so that he had her full attention. She cleared her throat before she began.

"I think… we should break up, Lucas." By the way his eyes widened, she could tell that he had expected nothing of the kind. She almost felt bad that she was springing something like this on him, but she remembered how he looked at Maya and got over the dull ache in her chest. She didn't want to hurt him, but this was better for both of them in the long run. And what was Riley if not a repair girl?

"I… what?!" His voice cracked at the end of the word and she saw him swallow slowly. She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly in an attempt to comfort him. When she nodded slightly, he took a deep breath and swallowed again. He looked down at his hands in his lap as he spoke again.

"Okay… I didn't see that coming… Did— Did I do something wrong?" he asked, finally looking up to meet her gaze. It pained her that his bright green eyes that she had always associated with love and joy could look so hurt and confused. She shook her head quickly, chocolate locks dancing around her face.

"No! No, of course you didn't! All you've ever been is good to me, Lucas," She reassured him, the sting of tears pushing from behind her eyes. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Then why—"

"I've seen the way you look at Maya." He shut his mouth immediately, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights. When he opened his mouth again she quickly spoke up again.

"It isn't that I think you've been unfaithful to me, you would never do that, I know you. I just… we dated because we had some kind of unofficial thing for years. You were the first and only boy I ever really liked, so I thought that we naturally had to be together. But, people change people. And I still love you, but I don't think I love you in the way you love Maya." This time she waited for him to formulate a response. He opened his mouth and shut it a few times like a fish out of water before any words came.

"How… how do I love Maya?" Riley's mouth twitched into a bittersweet smile.

"You already know that. You don't need me to tell you." Lucas nodded in acceptance before sighing heavily.

"I always knew deep down that this wouldn't last, but I guess I was just trying to hold on because its all I really knew. How are you so okay with this?" He stared his now-ex-girlfriend in the eye with a concerned expression. She shrugged and gave him a little smile.

"I figured out exactly what you did. We weren't meant to last." He still stared at her, disbelief in his eyes.

"Are you sure you're really okay?" She nodded quickly.

"If I'm not yet, I will be soon, don't worry. I just… even if we know that we don't feel that way for each other anymore, its hard to let go of something you've had for so long, you know?" He leaned back in his seat and let out a long breath.

"Yeah, I know. It's just hard to process." They sat there in silence, allowing the gravity of what had just happened sink in. The tall boy looked over at the girl beside him, whose eye were still staring blankly ahead at the table.

"So, what now?" he asked and she let the question ring in her ears for a moment before looking up at him.

"You should go talk to Maya." He quirked an eyebrow.

"So soon?" Riley nodded.

"I know you make her happy. And even if this just happened, she's my best friend, and I want her to be happy," she said with conviction. He smiled slightly and reached out to squeeze her hand.

"When did our Princess Dancing Sunshine grow up so much?" She laughed and squeezed back, the tears threatening to escape her lower lids.

"I'm not sure, but it was long overdue if you ask me." He chuckled lightly.

"Will you be okay if I leave you now? I feel like we'll just end up hurting each other somehow if I stay here." She knew that he meant he felt like he was going to hurt her. She nodded and brushed away the tear that managed to escape with her free hand.

"I'll be fine. Go talk to her, she needs you more than you know." Without dislodging their hands, he stood up slowly. She followed him with her eyes and tried to give him a reassuring smile.

"So, is this it then?"

"We had a good run, Lucas. And I still want us to be friends; we're at our best when we're just acting like friends." He nodded, but pulled her to her feet by her hand. He wrapped his hands around her in a goodbye hug of sorts and she quickly reciprocated.

"We'll still be friends, don't ever worry about that," he whispered into her ear. She nodded, unable to speak without her voice wavering. He let her go slowly and pressed one final kiss to her forehead. They just stared at each other for a moment longer before the former Texan began making his way towards the door. As his hand touched the handle, he turned back and looked at her.

"I really did love you, you know." She nodded, she knew.

"I love you too. But it was a long time ago when we both loved each other like that." She pushed another tear off of her cheek and sniffed, but her smile remained. He nodded again and smiled softly.

"Bye, Riley." With one final look, he pushed the door open and walked out of the cafe. With another sniffle, she sat back down on the chair.

"Goodbye, Lucas," she murmured, but she still smiled even as tears rolled down her reddening cheeks. She was sad, he was her first love after all. But another part of her felt free. It was high time she remembered that there were other boys in the world beside Lucas Friar. A wider smile graced her lips, a real smile.

Riley Matthews was smart. A genius even. She told herself that everything would be okay.

But she already knew that.

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Oh, look, I'm back to angst. Fancy that.


End file.
